“I’m sorry”:
0:00🔘━━━━━━━0:06
↻ ⊲ Ⅱ ⊳ ↺
volume: ▁ 5%“…but”:
0:00🔘━━━━━━━━70:28:54
↻ ⊲ Ⅱ ⊳ ↺
volume: ▁▂▃▄▅▆▇ 100%
me: listen I’m pretty busy now can we do this tomorrow?
murderer: yeah sure sorry
my girl’s so sweet she always texts me Disney lyrics when she’s away with our mates like “you’ve got a friend in me”
me: [waking from coma] how long was I out
doc: two years, but I have terrible news
me: what
doc: it’s still March
boss: you’re fired
me: [slamming fist on couch] you woke me up for this?
me: sorry i couldn’t stay longer
friend: no that was long enough
My kid just asked if I was alive in 1871 so home schooling is going well
interviewer: can you use word
me: buddy [putting hand on his shoulder] I can use a lot of words
me: you ever have conversations in your head?
me: lmao no
me: I don’t negotiate with terrorists
wife: she’s three
me: I don’t care how many she is
interviewer: why were you fired from your last job?
God: [sweating nervously] ok have you ever heard of humans
friend: you’ve been watching the tv for 8 hours
me: yeah so
friend: maybe u should turn it on
If sharks are so tough how come not a single one turned up to fight me behind the school last Friday
doctor: what seems to be the problem?
t-rex: I cant feel my legs
alien: we have come to destroy all humanity
me: hell yeah
alien: what? I said we have co-
me: hurry up