7: Are monsters real Mommy?
Me: Yes, they are. They’re in my office and they “reply all” on emails.
Physiotherapist: So tell me how you injured yourself?
Me: Rock climbing.
PT:
Me:
PT:
Me: *whispers* taking off my sports bra.
Interviewer: How do you define success?
Me: Being able to buy bacon when it’s not on sale.
I have no milkshakes. No one comes to my yard. The grass looks fantastic.
Crime and Punishment is my favourite novel about family vacations.
The woman beside me is reading a cocktail recipe book like a novel and I’m pretty sure I found my soul mate.
My boss encouraged us to think about why we come to work every day.
I don’t think “I need money to live” was the answer she was looking for.
8yo: Geez Mom. Haven’t you ever heard of privacy?
Me: Not since you were born.
Nothing makes me feel more beautiful than when the woman waxing my eyebrows asks if I want my moustache done too.
*lies down in bed*
*closes eyes*
*gets comfortable and relaxes*Brain: *blows into mic* *tap tap* Okay, so where was I…
If we’ve learned anything from history…
I’d be amazed.
The yogurt was so far back in the cooler at the store, I almost ended up in an Aha video.
Me: Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.
Minister: That’s not really appropriate for wedding vows.
I’m so glad I had a kid so instead of relaxing in the bath, I can have someone explain Minecraft to me in painful detail.
Autocorrect just changed “I’m wise” to “I’m wide” so I should probably put down this donut.