@pittdave13

My son found some handcuffs under our bed so I had to have “the talk” today…
I’m an international crime fighter now

@pittdave13

First date
Me: have you ever taken a selfie with a dog face filter?
Her: Yes, I love those!
Me: Well look at the time this has been fun…

@pittdave13

For the last time I said CAULK, I need black CAULK.
This isn’t funny, what isle is it in