[town square in a thunderstorm]
Galileo: Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening me.
His mom: Gallileo! Galileo!
Galileo Figaro!! *hands him an umbrellaGalileo: magnifico!! *gets big hug from mom*
Galileo: mama mia, mama mia let me go *looking around embarrassed*
I am having fish and chips for lunch.
*pours Pringles and Goldfish Crackers into the same bowl*
If you lean back in a chair and put your feet up on the desk, everything you say will be beaming with confidence and bravado especially if it’s not your office.
Peanut brittle, because you have a craving for peanut butter and ceramic tile.
It’s really disturbing how that bear family in those Charmin commercials are so open with each other about shitting.
*tucks napkin into my shirt*
This meal could get messy.
Sure stepping on a Lego is painful, but have you ever twisted your ankle tripping over a cold and shamed Natalie Imbruglia lying naked on the floor?
[knock on my front door]
Me: *pulls out finger gun and looks through peephole* Who’s there? What do you want?
Delivery Man: You ordered a pizza?
Me: *holsters finger gun* yeah, that’s right, sorry… *opens door*
Delivery Man: *shoots me with finger gun*
*bends over to pick a four leaf clover but gets struck by a falling ACME safe before doing so*
Whenever I hear snapping, I always fear I’m walking into a battle between rival gangs from West Side Story.
I like to sing Mambo No. 5 but replace the names of the women with various types of cheese.