I take my pants off like everyone else. Getting tangled in one pant leg, stepping on the other, tipping over & hitting my face on the door.
If you’ve ever wanted to reconnect with people you haven’t seen in ages, take a quick trip to the grocery store looking like complete shit.
If you don’t swear when you’re driving, you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
A dragonfly just landed on my face an I reacted the same way I’d react if an actual dragon had landed on my face.
This girl just said, “You know that feeling you get when you really really like someone?” and I was all like, “Nope.” and walked away.
Not having any friends means I’m always the pretty one.
I’m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
Never knew why pajama tops had pockets on them, but I just filled mine up with cookies to bring back to bed and now it makes complete sense.
I’m no mathementientist, but I should probably go to bed because it’s 4AM and I’m making up words again.