Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of rachelle_mandik's best tweets

@rachelle_mandik : this morning i found a spider trapped in its own web and i was like, dude, same

@rachelle_mandik: "moon all gone! moon all gone!" is my toddler's terrifying new way of saying good morning

@rachelle_mandik: finish your salad. a thousand islands died to make that dressing.

@rachelle_mandik: never register for a class that says "space is limited," because whoever's running it clearly has no respect for science

@rachelle_mandik: society: women your age are invisible
me: *robbing a bank* cool, cool

@rachelle_mandik: me: how many trees do you see in this picture?
my toddler: all of them.

@rachelle_mandik: artificial flowers are properly known as "flower decoys"; learn some flower calls, then use the decoys to attract and kill real flowers

@rachelle_mandik: [bank heist]
leader: ok everyone put on your balaclavas
me: *looks down at box of freshly baked baklava* i think i’ve made a mistake

@rachelle_mandik: my toddler lifts up a piece of her salad and declares, "it's a leaf, mommy." and then: "let's put it back outside."

@rachelle_mandik: i forgot the term for sell-by date and called it a spoiler alert