Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@rachelle_mandik : this morning i found a spider trapped in its own web and i was like, dude, same
@rachelle_mandik: "moon all gone! moon all gone!" is my toddler's terrifying new way of saying good morning
@rachelle_mandik: finish your salad. a thousand islands died to make that dressing.
@rachelle_mandik: never register for a class that says "space is limited," because whoever's running it clearly has no respect for science
@rachelle_mandik: society: women your age are invisible
me: *robbing a bank* cool, cool
@rachelle_mandik: me: how many trees do you see in this picture?
my toddler: all of them.
@rachelle_mandik: artificial flowers are properly known as "flower decoys"; learn some flower calls, then use the decoys to attract and kill real flowers
@rachelle_mandik: [bank heist]
leader: ok everyone put on your balaclavas
me: *looks down at box of freshly baked baklava* i think i’ve made a mistake
@rachelle_mandik: my toddler lifts up a piece of her salad and declares, "it's a leaf, mommy." and then: "let's put it back outside."
@rachelle_mandik: i forgot the term for sell-by date and called it a spoiler alert