*meets man next door*
That’ll be easy to remember. We have the same first name
*meets neighbour’s wife*
Is our name tattooed anywhere on your body?
Last words: “Oh, you’re not the same lion I pulled a thorn from your paw, are you?
You look like the kind of girl who would break my heart.
I have a boyfriend.
See, you’re done it already.
I hated spiders even before my girlfriend left me for one.
I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.
Relationship status: Sometimes I have imaginary conversations with supermodels.
Her: What an incredibly handsome and witty thing to say.
I met my wife online. We’ve been married four years and have a girl, a troll and lovely twin bots.
Little did I know the first time I bought a 3-pack of condoms that I was buying a lifetime supply.
I once watched a mime choke to death on a street corner and everyone applauded. For a couple of reasons.
My boss got hit by a car while I was on my way to the wishing well so yes, I do have some spare change.