@randomnloveit

If people are going to judge me they should at least hold up scorecards so I know how I’m doing.

@randomnloveit

If they could bottle how good it feels to take off your bra, that would sell for more than any expensive wine.

@randomnloveit

Dear people that brush your teeth in the bathroom at work: stop that. You don’t live here. Chew gum like the rest of us.