@realHamOnWry

Wine gets better with age. That’s why it’s always better by the time you pour the fourth glass.

@realHamOnWry

What did I learn today?

Never use a dentist with a huge inflatable molar on his roof.

@realHamOnWry

Home schooling is hard. Nine has been trying to teach me how her teacher does things all week.

@realHamOnWry

Autocorrect just changed cycle-path to psychopath and now my blind date doesn’t want to meet me in the park.

@realHamOnWry

Nuns lead a very regimented and routine life. You might even say they’re creatures of habit.

@realHamOnWry

Betty White is so tough that the Coronavirus is social distancing from her.

@realHamOnWry

Don’t mean to complain, but I wish 2021 came with a ten day return policy.

@realHamOnWry

I bought a volumizer shampoo to make my hair look thicker, but all it did was create a poofy edge around my bald spot like a fairy ring in the lawn.

@realHamOnWry

People constantly ask why I don’t add pictures of myself to my account. So here I am. I’m the one at the back.