@realHamOnWry

Worst thing about being born on April Fools Day is that nobody takes you seriously. Even my parents were in denial for the first 47 years.

@realHamOnWry

There is a conspiracy theory that Bill Gates created the Coronavirus. I’ve used the Windows system and believe me, that virus would have frozen and crashed long ago.

@realHamOnWry

I just threw a handful of video games into a crowded mall and there wasn’t a single fatality.

@realHamOnWry

I miss being stalked. Especially now that I’ve gotten old and easy to catch.

@realHamOnWry

I think if we leave a bunch of cell phones in the forest, eventually Big Foot will be tempted to take a selfie.

@realHamOnWry

I got up at 3am this morning. I think that happens as you get older because you want to make sure you haven’t died in your sleep.

@realHamOnWry

Not having kids has turned out to be way cheaper than noise canceling headphones.