Worst thing about being born on April Fools Day is that nobody takes you seriously. Even my parents were in denial for the first 47 years.
There is a conspiracy theory that Bill Gates created the Coronavirus. I’ve used the Windows system and believe me, that virus would have frozen and crashed long ago.
Hard to believe that January 2020 was only seven years ago.
Not to brag, but my car now gets 3 months per gallon.
I just threw a handful of video games into a crowded mall and there wasn’t a single fatality.
I miss being stalked. Especially now that I’ve gotten old and easy to catch.
I think if we leave a bunch of cell phones in the forest, eventually Big Foot will be tempted to take a selfie.
I got up at 3am this morning. I think that happens as you get older because you want to make sure you haven’t died in your sleep.
Not having kids has turned out to be way cheaper than noise canceling headphones.
If you’re not part of the solution, you must be management.