My youngest found an “I’m a big sister” t-shirt, wore it to camp, and now it’ll take 9 months till the neighborhood believes I’m not pregnant
I drank a beer and then clipped my kid’s bangs, so tomorrow morning should be interesting
You know you have kids when you say “see you soon” on the way out of urgent care
My husband and I got in a fight and I was certain I had the last word until we went to bed and he started snoring
Toddler: My feet are cold, do you have any feet warm stuff?
Me: Yes, socks
Toddler: No!!
My dog knows me so well that if I return home within five minutes of leaving he knows I’ve forgotten something and will not be staying, so he doesn’t even bother getting up to greet me
My toddler is throwing a tantrum because I changed the pictures in my bathroom…a year ago
My kids have apparently started a neighborhood rock washing business, they stick them in their pockets, I unknowingly put them through the machine and they come out all shiny on the other end
The great thing about having three young kids is that you’re never lonely at midnight, or 1am, or 2am, or 3am…
The preschoolers got to choose a free book from the book fair, so my kid came home with one we already have because she knows she likes it, and I can’t fault that logic
6: Mommy, why is that man wearing his baseball cap backwards?
Me: Because he was alive in the 1990s, sweetheart
My smoke detector just started beeping due to low batteries which is weird because it’s not the middle of the night
I went to Costco and now I have massive quantities of all the stuff, except money
From now on I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy, just for their visit, it was hard but I got it done
We were behind on mowing the lawn, which was already driving my husband nuts, but then the neighbor called to see if we’d like to borrow his lawn mower because clearly ours must be broken and now my husband says we have to move