I changed the pictures in the bathroom a year ago, my toddler just realized, your understanding is appreciated as she goes through this hard time
In case you’re wondering it takes a 6 year old approximately 20 min to pick out a bunch of bananas at the supermarket
Here lies a mother, her struggle was valiant but in the end the laundry pile was too big and she couldn’t claw her way out
Cleaned out my kid’s backpack and found everything I’ve been missing since 1990
I thought I was getting myself a new couch but apparently I was getting my dog a new bed
The only time I miss masking is after I’ve eaten an Oreo
During lockdown our toddler went through a no clothing stage and we taught her to introduce herself to people by saying “Hi. I’m a nudist.” Now that lockdown is over and she’s actually meeting people I can’t decide if this was a very good or a very bad idea
Me: * spends the day cleaning the house*
My kids: what have you done?!
I just discovered that Flemish rabbits are pregnant for only one month but my jealousy went away when I found out they give birth to litters of 5-12 at a time, I guess I’ll stick to being human
My jeans started to feel uncomfortably loose so I fixed it by eating a bag of chips, two chocolate bars and some brownies. A woman’s work is never done…
My kid has been walking around with an uneaten chocolate bar in her backpack for five weeks, if she doesn’t eat it soon I’m going to have to ground her for making poor life choices
It is important not to say “be careful” to a toddler as they will interpret it as a challenge and things won’t end well
I used to hate Mondays before I became a parent
Me: just running to the store, who cares what I’m wearing
Also me: runs into everybody I know
Someone forgot to tell my body that calories after midnight don’t count