Our kids are making us a special anniversary dinner and I’ve never not worked so hard in my life
Despite what they tell you, my kids love playing the games I make up, like “where did mommy put her keys this time” and “who can spot mommy’s cell phone”
Me: I’m not gonna go crazy this year
Also me: cooks 85 dishes for Thanksgiving and wonders why there are so many leftovers
You can do whatever you want to do in life as long as you live in a Hallmark movie
Me: they didn’t have cell phones when I was a kid
5: they also didn’t have cars
Dragged myself to the fridge because I promised myself I’d be productive tonight and god knows the ice cream isn’t gonna eat itself
I was under the false impression that my kids would stop elbowing me in the bladder after they were born
I don’t understand why the pediatrician runs hearing tests, all you have to do is open a tub of ice cream 2 floors away in the middle of the night and you can tell if your kid can hear
I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if I’ve never met a toddler before
Me: we can stay at the playground a little longer
3: for forever?! Yay!!
Me: for five more minutes
3: *bursts into tears*
3 yr old: I love lemonade, I’m so excited, I’ve never tried it
-the mind of a toddler is a mysterious place
I introduced my kids to the “magical snap of sleep”, when I snap my fingers the person in bed falls instantly asleep, it worked beautifully on my husband but the kids are still awake
3: Please move
Me: You said that very nicely, but the dog doesn’t speak English
3: Woof Woof
“He has no self control!” I mutter angrily as I try to sneak an oreo and realize my husband already finished them
Took the kids to the beach and I now I need to know if I drive the sand back myself or if someone will come pick it up from me