Teacher: define “impossible”
Me: no can do
Teacher: correct. and can you explain what “skepticism” is?
Me: doubt it
Teacher: excellent! and “agnosticism”?
Me: I have no idea
Zoologist 1: we need a name for this
Zoologist 2: how about a deadly sin?
Me: can I have some more hair?
The universe: sure — assume eyebrows and ears are okay?
Me: your honor, my client is criminally insane
Judge: you’re representing yourself
Me: my wife says I catastrophize everything
Therapist: *chuckling* how is she doing?
Me: I don’t know she hasn’t returned my texts for over five minutes I think she’s dead
“Please make people stop believing things without any evidence,” I whisper to the invisible magic man in the sky
Doctor: well, we lost him
Me as a nurse: *whispering* guys he’s right there
Me: i want a ferraro
Me: no just one
Springsteen: baby we were born to run
Springsadult: let’s just take a cab
Me: shouldn’t ocean now be spelled oCean?
Climatologist: that’s not what rising sea level means