Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of rebrafsim's best tweets

@rebrafsim : M: Wanna try tantrum sex?

W: You mean "tantric"?

M: *stomps feet* Fine! We'll do it your way!

@rebrafsim: Me: do you think he called himself T.S. Eliot so nobody would notice that T. Eliot is toilet backwards?

Librarian: stop talking

@rebrafsim: Exoskeleton: how a skeleton signs a Valentine’s Day card

@rebrafsim: Interviewer: describe a time when you were asked to do something you were uncomfortable doing and you declined

Me: no

@rebrafsim: [crane rental company]

Customer: *holding 25-pound bird* what the hell is this

@rebrafsim: [at a dinner party]

Me: hey can I get a picture of the table?

Everyone: *leans in, faces me, smiles*

Me: you’re all blocking the table


@rebrafsim: Me: I don’t want to leave anything to chance
Chance: why do you hate me dad

@rebrafsim: Me: can I ask a rhetorical question?
Her: sure
Me: well apparently not

@rebrafsim: [dollar store]
Me: I would like 700 dollars, please