@rebrafsim : M: Wanna try tantrum sex?
W: You mean "tantric"?
M: *stomps feet* Fine! We'll do it your way!
Follow @rebrafsim
@rebrafsim: Me: do you think he called himself T.S. Eliot so nobody would notice that T. Eliot is toilet backwards?
Librarian: stop talking
@rebrafsim: Exoskeleton: how a skeleton signs a Valentine’s Day card
@rebrafsim: Interviewer: describe a time when you were asked to do something you were uncomfortable doing and you declined
Me: no
@rebrafsim: [crane rental company]
Customer: *holding 25-pound bird* what the hell is this
@rebrafsim: [at a dinner party]
Me: hey can I get a picture of the table?
Everyone: *leans in, faces me, smiles*
Me: you’re all blocking the table
@rebrafsim: First person to see an eclipse: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…oh okay
@rebrafsim: Me: I don’t want to leave anything to chance
Chance: why do you hate me dad
@rebrafsim: Me: can I ask a rhetorical question?
Her: sure
Me: well apparently not
@rebrafsim: [dollar store]
Me: I would like 700 dollars, please