Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of rebrafsim's best tweets

@rebrafsim : M: Wanna try tantrum sex?

W: You mean "tantric"?

M: *stomps feet* Fine! We'll do it your way!

@rebrafsim: Me: do you think he called himself T.S. Eliot so nobody would notice that T. Eliot is toilet backwards?

Librarian: stop talking

@rebrafsim: Exoskeleton: how a skeleton signs a Valentine’s Day card

@rebrafsim: Interviewer: describe a time when you were asked to do something you were uncomfortable doing and you declined

Me: no

@rebrafsim: [crane rental company]

Customer: *holding 25-pound bird* what the hell is this

@rebrafsim: [at a dinner party]

Me: hey can I get a picture of the table?

Everyone: *leans in, faces me, smiles*

Me: you’re all blocking the table

@rebrafsim: First person to see an eclipse: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…oh okay

@rebrafsim: Me: I don’t want to leave anything to chance
Chance: why do you hate me dad

@rebrafsim: Me: can I ask a rhetorical question?
Her: sure
Me: well apparently not

@rebrafsim: [dollar store]
Me: I would like 700 dollars, please