@rebrafsim
Teacher: define “impossible”
Me: no can do
Teacher: correct. and can you explain what “skepticism” is?
Me: doubt it
Teacher: excellent! and “agnosticism”?
Me: I have no idea
Teacher: amazing
@rebrafsim
@rebrafsim
Zoologist 1: we need a name for this
Zoologist 2: how about a deadly sin?
@rebrafsim
Me: can I have some more hair?
The universe: sure — assume eyebrows and ears are okay?
@rebrafsim
Me: your honor, my client is criminally insane
Judge: you’re representing yourself
@rebrafsim
Me: my wife says I catastrophize everything
Therapist: *chuckling* how is she doing?
Me: I don’t know she hasn’t returned my texts for over five minutes I think she’s dead
@rebrafsim
“Please make people stop believing things without any evidence,” I whisper to the invisible magic man in the sky
@rebrafsim
Doctor: well, we lost him
Widow: *sobbing*
Me as a nurse: *whispering* guys he’s right there
@rebrafsim
Me: i want a ferraro
Friend: ferrari?
Me: no just one
@rebrafsim
Springsteen: baby we were born to run
Springsadult: let’s just take a cab
@rebrafsim
Me: shouldn’t ocean now be spelled oCean?
Climatologist: that’s not what rising sea level means