@rebrafsim: Interviewer: describe a time when you were asked to do something you were uncomfortable doing and you declined

Me: no

@rebrafsim: [crane rental company]

Customer: *holding 25-pound bird* what the hell is this

@rebrafsim: [at a dinner party]

Me: hey can I get a picture of the table?

Everyone: *leans in, faces me, smiles*

Me: you’re all blocking the table

@rebrafsim: First person to see an eclipse: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…oh okay

@rebrafsim: Me: I don’t want to leave anything to chance
Chance: why do you hate me dad

@rebrafsim: Me: can I ask a rhetorical question?
Her: sure
Me: well apparently not

@rebrafsim: [dollar store]
Me: I would like 700 dollars, please

@rebrafsim: Me: you can’t spell menu without me n u
Waiter:
Me:
Waiter: my shift ends at 11

@rebrafsim: Me: I really shouldn’t be eating 7-11 hot dogs every day

Doctor: okay that’s weirdly specific but yes, maybe try to get it down under 6