All I’m saying is, I’ve never seen my Ex and Satan in the same room together.
Ways to know a guy at the bar wants to take you home:
1. He talks to you.
2. He buys you a drink.
3. That drink makes you REALLY sleepy.
Ways to tell a woman’s mad at you:
1. She’s silent.
2. She’s yelling.
3. She acts the same.
4. She acts different.
5. She murdered you.
Thinking about having kids?
Buy a plant.
If you can keep it alive for 18 years, hopefully you’re too old to have kids by then.
Mistakes married men make:
1. Doing things.
2. Not doing things.
3. Thinking about doing things.
4. Not thinking about doing things.
Apparently you can’t make a baby by adding water to baby powder, so don’t waste your time.
I saw a guy with antlers on his car, so I shot it.
I can turn wine into a one night stand.
Your move Jesus.
Whenever my bitchy Ex used to whine about something, I reminded her that time heals all wounds…
Then I threw clock at her face.
Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb.
Kinda like crying, screaming, or dying.