@rickygervais

Twitter is like being able to read every toilet wall in the world.

@rickygervais

If a swan broke my arm I’d keep it quiet. Embarrassing. “Help, I’m being beaten up by a big white lanky floating chicken.” Not cool.

@rickygervais

Suggested Thanksgiving Conversation starters: “Which God are we thanking again?”
You’re welcome 🙂

@rickygervais

Trump worked his way up from nothing. He’s going to give every American the same 1 million dollars he started with. That’s all you need.

@rickygervais

RIP Ronaldo’s Moth. The world’s most famous footballing insect has died after a long and illustrious career. He was 6 weeks old.

@rickygervais

Jesus died for our sins.
But then he came back to life.
Pretty sure that breaks the deal.

@rickygervais

Marriage should be traditional. As it was in The Bible. Between a man and a rib.

@rickygervais

Troll: Horrible thing.
Me: Horrible thing back.
Troll: I was just giving my honest opinion.
Me: Me too.
Troll: But…

@rickygervais

I’m hoping the nuclear strike button & the trap-door for hecklers button on Trump’s desk are completely different colours.

@rickygervais

Do let me know if you’re ever unhappy with any of my Tweets. I will block you immediately. Anything to stop you being sad. You’re welcome 🙂