me after drinking all the wine:
uncle dave has been through hell
wait.
well, Sam. It’s been a helluva day. A helluva day! Hit me, again.
can’t a grown man in a phantom of the opera face mask just go grocery shopping like everybody else!? geeze.
sounds kinky. i’m in.
excusing myself in the middle of a date to go to the bathroom and baby-wipe down my whole body. to keep it weird.
fourth time’s the charm
keep reaching for the stars, kid:
triple bad room means you have to sleep with the owner’s grandma. who likes her feet rubbed. with butter.
honestly, i need both:
no, babe. i haven’t seen your glasses.
how high up are we talkin’?
friend (via text): can I call you right now?
me: no. i’m not near my phone.
me, too, girl. me, too.
