A Japanese game show where you have to run through a room full of hungry German Shepherds holding your boyfriend’s mom’s cat.
Donner? Party of 87? Your table is ready.
just left a huge legacy in there
that co-worker that never lets you get your shit done.
Her: Our youngest is 98 months.
Me: What’s that in human people years?
me, after any kind of buffet.
Murder is like cilantro. You either love it. Or it tastes like soap.
i baked you a cake
i prefer mine room temperature.
Just because you haven’t met the love of your life yet….yeah, no. I have nothing.
Him: do you have a pen?
Me: yes. (walks away)
You should be tunashamed of yourself!
I’m what the New York Times once referred to as “an acquired taste…like bleach.”
Did my parents think they could just blindly support my choice to wear Capri pants at age 13 without there being any consequences?
I’m a self-made hundredaire