big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings
I stand by it
Medusa: *takes a long drag on a cigarette* You know, he was just Dwayne Johnson until he met me
the joy of watching bob’s burgers on Disney+ is slightly diminished knowing Mickey is legally allowed to hunt me for sport because I signed up for the streaming service
a friend of mine dresses like Adam sandler but sometimes she’ll swap the oversized tee for a tiny top and she calls it the madam sandler
if we’re bringing back satanic panic can we do a throwback to 80’s grocery prices too
“what do your tattoos mean?” that I can’t be trusted with $200
dating is scary, what if I put myself out there and I fall in love with someone who’s family plays charades at holiday gatherings
I could never do polyamory not because of jealousy or anything I just don’t have it in me to keep track of more than one birthday
life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge
if at first you don’t succeed that’s so embarrassing why are you so bad at this
every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one
not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?
gwen stefani really let us down by not spelling something useful like necessary or embarrass
you should be allowed to list your landlord as a dependant