hey parents who say “someday your kids won’t want to be around you”
… when can I look forward to that starting?
Forced homeschooling has taught me I had way too many kids
Remember how judgey we thought we’d be if our kid said “wow! My teacher drinks a lot”
How’s homeschooling going?
I just failed grade 5 math.
Again.
The waiter here is SO sweet
bringing me 4 forks with my cake just in case I drop one.
Hotel room coffee is still better than that whole relationship with you
So, no one told my 13yo that spoons can’t go in the microwave.
How’s your day
Nothing good ever comes after: “I’m not trying to be creepy, but…”
I just accidentally read “Federal” as “Feral” and it made zero difference to the article.
Uterus: cry
Me: What? Wait, why I’m not even do-
Uterus: CRY.
If you ever have 17 hours to kill, ask someone freshly inked what their tattoo means.
Somebody spiked my ice water with 14 glasses of champagne last night
I hate it when healthy me does the groceries, because now fat me needs a snack.
“How’s the diet going?”
I beep when I back up now.
Dishwasher broke, so now I’m washing them all by hand like some sort of motherless Disney Princess.