Girl, you know you’re the only one.
But how come Tarzan didn’t have a beard?
21st century divorce:
I want it stipulated that he can’t change the Netflix password.
If a guy spread rose petals all over my apartment, I would literally look at him and just be like:
“I’m not picking this up.”
He whispered in my ear that he liked being called daddy.
I whispered back that I liked being called a cab.