I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no
I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out
It was my turn to pick a team building activity on Zoom so I typed hide-n-seek in the chat and left the meeting
My man got attacked by a snapping turtle.
I asked the ER doctor if he would get turtle powers and the doctor asked him if he feels safe at home
My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers
Prime Day landing on the same day I get my period?
I need a bigger cart
You know what they say. You can lead a camel to water but you can’t keep your leggings out of its toe
There should be four and only four chat rooms on Twitter.
A sorting hat assigns us to one and we stay there plotting against the other rooms
Made it five weeks at my new job before anyone saw my underwear
Hitting it from behind is just how I drive
Okay me first
I’m not naked I’m wearing a hair tie, officer
My sister sent me a picture of us when we were teenagers with a caption “look how pretty you used to be”
Dated this guy who took me to his parents Christmas party. They put out a punch bowl and I threw my date’s and his dad’s car keys in it
Where there’s a will there’s a way. You just have to be nice to your rich aunt