In high school, I was voted Most Likely To Keep Bringing Up Past Achievements.
“Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!” – The Very Civil War
We’re gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were “Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!”
Raggedy Andy knew he was becoming a man when he noticed yarn where there wasn’t yarn before.
Fifth Third Bank? I don’t think you understand how to number things, which is something I generally look for in a bank.
Headed to the gym. Gonna work on my diptroids. My gluteralids. My quadrapeps. Maybe my trapaceptals. Definitely my vocabulary.
Bouncy balls are super fun if you love to play with something very briefly, then spend 45 minutes looking for it in a shrub.