The best part about getting up to get an apple is when you come back with Doritos.
“Google, how long will my trip to Cleveland take?
“Your trip will take 5 hours”
“Google, I have a child.
“Your trip will take 9 hours”.
I prepare my daughter for disappointment by always giving her the iPad with a 4% charge.
*Pays $450 for ticket to hockey game.
*spends the whole game on iPhone.
Hi, is your resort child friendly?
Yes it is sir. Would you like to make a reservation?
My favourite gymnastics move is the double cheeseburger.
As you can tell by my wrinkled shirts, I’m bad at irony.
$50 says Jesus rose from the dead to clear his browser history.
Wanna burn fat quickly and without dieting?
Here, take this gasoline and matches.
Don’t you love it when you order salt at McDonald’s and you accidentally get some fries!