Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of sammyrhodes's best tweets

@sammyrhodes : And suddenly the neighbors who left their Christmas lights up all year seem like geniuses.

@sammyrhodes: Here’s a crazy idea. What if Budweiser took all that advertising money and actually made better beer?

@sammyrhodes: And the Best McDonald’s Employee of the Month goes to Mad Max: Fury Road.

@sammyrhodes: S is my favorite letter because it changes biscuit to biscuits.

@sammyrhodes: My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today.

@sammyrhodes: “We’re going to need a bigger pocket.” - iPhone 6 Plus

@sammyrhodes: Sometimes you feel like you've grown. Other times you pout for a few hours because your wife accidentally threw away your Tabasco sauce.

@sammyrhodes: I love donuts so much I want to marry them. But then I'm afraid I would eat all our donut hole children.

@sammyrhodes: Sometimes I feel like Valentine's Day was invented by a guy who had way too many chocolate covered strawberries.

@sammyrhodes: "If you have a ministry like Jesus it will probably be made up of about 12 people who don't get your illustrations, & 1 wants to kill you."