Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of sammyrhodes's best tweets

@sammyrhodes : Never understood Monopoly. It's like saying, "Hey we're stressed out about real $, so let's play a game & get stressed out about pretend $.

@sammyrhodes: You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.

@sammyrhodes: "You know what would make a good gift for this 3yr old? A harmonica." - people without kids

@sammyrhodes: Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret.

@sammyrhodes: I would walk 500 miles just to be the man who gets to eat these donuts.

@sammyrhodes: Shaving your beard is a great way to remember what you looked like when you were 5.

@sammyrhodes: Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.

@sammyrhodes: 1. Ask for something. 2. Throw it down. 3. Repeat steps 1 & 2. - Toddler To Do List

@sammyrhodes: This ice cream is legen - wait for it - DAIRY.

@sammyrhodes: Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.