Kids: Yay! We have a 4 day weekend!
Me: *drinks wine straight from bottle*
I saw a lady jogging in the rain & I was like, “how sad, she doesn’t know she could be sleeping in her bed right now.”
What I said:
GET IN THE CAR, WE’RE LATE!What my kids hear:
Start looking for a toy that was lost 5 years ago.
If you think you’re having a bad day, the lady who took my order in the drive-thru asked me if my order was to go.
A fun thing about having kids is how they ask for help with their homework.
On the way to school.
My teen was complaining he had no clean clothes so I asked him what he thought he should do: “Uh, go buy new clothes?”
Have kids. It’s fun.
“If you can’t beat them, join them,” I say, as I join my kids in demanding someone make breakfast.
Before you have kids, practice yelling “GET UP NOW OR I WILL TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL IN YOUR PAJAMAS!” & see if it’s right for you.
A quick way to get your kids to leave you alone is to say, “I need to make your dentist appointment.”
My kids have strategically placed items in an overflowing garbage can like they’re building a Jenga puzzle.
Have kids. It’s fun.
I hate it when I go to hide out from my kids in the walk-in closet & my husband is already in there hiding out from me.
Parent pro tip: Beware of the child who cleans their room without being prompted. They are about to ask to borrow money.
Sometimes passing by a nursing home is the only reminder I need to go buy my kids whatever they want.
One of the greatest gifts my kids have given me is my high tolerance for alcohol.
My kids say I need to stop trying to embarrass them but joke’s on them because I’m not even trying.