If you’re not sure about having kids, have someone say “Mom!” 100 times before 7am & see if it’s right for you.
When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is, “Please forget.”
I’m not sure what my husband is planning on doing for me on Mother’s Day but I hope it’s laundry.
My kids are celebrating National Siblings Day just like I knew they would: screaming & fighting.
My son gave me a list of things he’d like in his Easter basket.
This isn’t Christmas, kid. Do you want a chocolate bunny or not?
What I said:
GET IN THE CAR!What my kids heard:
Pour another bowl of cereal & watch TV.
Kids: Yay! We have a 4 day weekend!
Me: *drinks wine straight from bottle*
I saw a lady jogging in the rain & I was like, “how sad, she doesn’t know she could be sleeping in her bed right now.”
What I said:
GET IN THE CAR, WE’RE LATE!What my kids hear:
Start looking for a toy that was lost 5 years ago.
If you think you’re having a bad day, the lady who took my order in the drive-thru asked me if my order was to go.
A fun thing about having kids is how they ask for help with their homework.
On the way to school.
My teen was complaining he had no clean clothes so I asked him what he thought he should do: “Uh, go buy new clothes?”
Have kids. It’s fun.
“If you can’t beat them, join them,” I say, as I join my kids in demanding someone make breakfast.
Before you have kids, practice yelling “GET UP NOW OR I WILL TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL IN YOUR PAJAMAS!” & see if it’s right for you.
A quick way to get your kids to leave you alone is to say, “I need to make your dentist appointment.”