@saucy_peaches

Why are you so pissed?

You asked me what turns me on and all I said was you not talking…

@saucy_peaches

Marriage tips

1. Separate bank accounts
2. Separate bedrooms
3. Separate homes
4. Separate dates w/other ppl
5.
6. Don’t get married

@saucy_peaches

HR writing an email saying I’m a naughty girl is not an acceptable excuse to not take awareness training…

Apparently

@saucy_peaches

Had a talk with 12.

M: Do you know what a period is?
12: Yes, mom, it’s the dot at the end of the sentence.
M: …
12: …
M: Good talk

@saucy_peaches

My mom always said that I’d never find a man dumb enough to marry me.

Well, I showed her…