@scottthetwat
Instead of the Maternity Ward they should have called it
the New Releases section.
@scottthetwat
@scottthetwat
Don’t blame me for acting like a baby, I was born that way.
@scottthetwat
The FBI agents that will eventually search your basement
won’t be able to sleep for a very long time.
@scottthetwat
My grandma sent the entire newspaper to me in the subject line of an email.
@scottthetwat
My ex GF turned out to be anorexic. Gradually I just saw less and less of her.
@scottthetwat
I received 10 pounds of pot in the mail by mistake. So I did the right thing and called the police to come pick up all 4 pounds.
@scottthetwat
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
@scottthetwat
Drug sniffing dogs are wrong 80 percent of the time. You would be too if you were sniffing drugs all day.