Funny Tweeter

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Page of scottthetwat's best tweets

@scottthetwat : Instead of the Maternity Ward they should have called it
the New Releases section.

@scottthetwat: Don't blame me for acting like a baby, I was born that way.

@scottthetwat: The FBI agents that will eventually search your basement
won't be able to sleep for a very long time.

@scottthetwat: My grandma sent the entire newspaper to me in the subject line of an email.

@scottthetwat: My ex GF turned out to be anorexic. Gradually I just saw less and less of her.

@scottthetwat: I received 10 pounds of pot in the mail by mistake. So I did the right thing and called the police to come pick up all 4 pounds.

@scottthetwat: Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.

@scottthetwat: Drug sniffing dogs are wrong 80 percent of the time. You would be too if you were sniffing drugs all day.