The problem is, once you get the bear in a headlock, you’re going to have to let him go at some point and he’s going to be pissed.
Always practice yodeling, suddenly, in a packed elevator.
Whenever I destroy an ant hill with the leaf blower, I imagine the footage of the terrible blownado being shown on ant tv the next morning.
One day my dad was outside watching a thunder and lightning storm and my mom brought him a metal chair to sit in.
A love story
If you startle me, I blow up like a puffer fish and roll away.
*Throws caution to the wind*
*gets covered in caution*
I walk around with mentos in my ears so everyone thinks I have an iphone 7.
If you’re hitting the gas every time she tries to open the passenger side door, remember, the 8th time is always the funniest.