Son: can I go?
Dad: storm coming, tornado warnings
Son: yeah I know
Dad: wait for your brother to get home, he can continue the bloodline
my wife and I do this Batman role play where I disappear mid conversation like with Commissioner Gordon
I suppose you can take my cold dead hand when you pry it from my warm live one and charge me w/unlawful possession of human remains
if the neighbor kid is driving you nuts practicing saxophone you can complain or teach her Careless Whisper – maybe be a problem solver
whenever the police put a mannequin in a squad car to slow traffic, I strategically place mannequins around town committing crimes
I bring my own pen into the bank because I don’t need any god dammed chains telling me where I can and cannot write
my daughter has been thrusting her stuffed animals in my face for me to kiss, but I’m being very selective so she learns to have standards
FYI: hey my wife came home in a terrible mood and I figured I’d read her one of my tweets to cheer her up, turns out that’s a bad idea guys
if your religion infringes on people’s rights; sorry, you’ve had hundreds of years to change everyone’s mind- obviously that hasn’t happened
help keep the English language alive by teaching your kids nearly outdated expressions
Plus nothing beats a 5yo pointing & yelling “BEHOLD!”
the true test of a child is not how he treats his friends, but how he treats Minecraft villagers
I’m no political expert, but as far as I can tell the Republican strategy seems to be:
“oh you think BUSH was terrible?”