Why there can’t be an Indian Breaking Bad.
Lawyer: As My Lord knows,…
Judge: Don’t presume I know it, counsel.
Lawyer: Beg pardon. *clears throat* As My Lord ought to know…
Jurassic World: A generically modified smart 50 ft monster has turned violent and this, for some reason, took people by surprise.
The answer is funnier than the question
The downside of studying law: you think a lawsuit is the solution to all problems. *resists from threatening Dominos for not giving oregano*
*Cinderella drops her glass slipper*
Prince: I have a girlfriend.
What is the difference between a girl and a pool table?
You have a shot with a pool table.
If you reply with “sky” each time I ask what’s up, I shall assume you’re homeless.
You don’t have to write ‘Twitter addict’ in your bio. Your 58675687K tweets give it up by themselves.
Winters, when your handwriting turns out the same no matter which hand you use.
Me: *pouts at front facing camera*
Front facing camera: I have a girlfriend.
If you date someone working for the federal government and then break up, does he become FedEx? #oksorry
Rule: If thou has a Macbook, thou shall always taketh photos of objects with the Macbook in the background.
OMG THIS IS SUCH A SURPRISE THE THOUGHT OF WINNING AFTER A NOMINATION IS A PHENOMENA THAT BLOWS MY MIND HOW DID IT HAPPEN
– All Emmy winners
Friend: I’m about to appear in court.
Me: Best of luck! Kill it!!
Friend:…not exactly the best phrase to use in a medical negligence case.