I admire the sense of humor ”Capri Sun” execs had like ’let’s put juice in a bag and give it to kids lol’.
Stuffed animals are strange like an actual tiger will tear you to pieces but here ya go kid, sweet dreams.
”How’d you get that scar on your head?”
[remembers falling at the playground as a kid]
”Stopped a bank robbery”
Fries should be offered more often like yes your mortgage is approved would you like fries with that?
I saw a crying baby and gave it my phone bill cuz why should we both be upset?
Billboards never give helpful advice like “hey you’re about to walk into work with your fly down”.
The walls in my panic room are painted beige so I’m panicking but bored about it.
Darth Vader was built for COVID-19. Great face mask & the ability to force choke anyone within 6 feet.
Only resort to violence if necessary like you get the wrong pizza toppings.
I only hug people to practice in case I need a human shield.
If you love something set it free then immediately tackle it by the legs.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, we’re still well below my average.
I got soap in my shower beer again.
[Talking Heads GPS]
YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF HEADING NORTH ON MAIN STREET. AND YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF HOW DID I GET HERE. AND YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF I NEED TO MAKE A U-TURN.
This app would like to use your location. It also wants you to mow the lawn and call your parents more often.