[princess gets captured in a castle]
[princess breaths a sigh of relief cuz she knows 2 short Italian plumbers]
Did you know most countries make you keep your shirt on during all you can eat ribs night?
Why do we always hurt the ones who eat the tator tots I was saving in the freezer?
When you smile the whole world wonders what’s wrong with you.
“Jurassic Park” is still my favorite movie about giant electric fences.
Make friends with an enemy today. Hug them. Caress their cheek. Lick their eyeball. Cough directly into their mouth.
Worst Friday the 13th ever. Someone stole the baby Jason from our nativity set.
[fast food management]
“All dipping sauces go into a plastic container.”
“What about ketchup?”
“Use a tiny pouch impossible to open without getting half of it on your fingers.”
You can always tell someone’s age by watching them get out of a car.
Just know someone out there is thinking of you, and how to make your death look like an accident.
I feel terrible I sat back and did nothing while 5 “Twilight” movies were made.
I don’t care what color or creed you are. Or what your religion is. Do not eat my work sandwich.
Impress your date by eating your mashed potatoes with both hands.
No more eating spaghetti while driving and this time I mean it.
Don’t advertise “All You Can Eat” then drag me out kicking and screaming with fists full of shrimp.