Heading to Jo Ann fabrics for tweet inspiration. They have a lot of material.
My daughter had a friend who comes over that makes my other kids look less weird. I wish she was here more often.
Caught myself talking to my dog and felt pretty dumb.
I totally forgot that I’m pissed at him for forgetting my birthday.
You gotta love a man with a dog’s name and a dog with a man’s name.
“Hi, I’m Cody and this is my dog Steve.”
I’m not technically a lawyer but I do have 3 court cases next week.
[first day as a pilot]
This is your captain speaking, in the event of cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling and untangling them will annoy you before you die.
I’m 45 yrs old. I have never turned on a flashlight without making the lightsaber noise
Which cellphone carrier drops the most calls? I need to get one for my mom.