@sexncake

I’m trying to become a vegetarian so from now I’m only eating seafood.

Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows.

@sexncake

I swear, even my ex lasted longer than my phone battery does.

@sexncake

Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.

@sexncake

My favourite mythical creature is the happy woman in the tampon adverts