Can’t. Being lazy.
I parallel parked perfectly in front of my boys and now they think I’m possessed.
You mean the stick figures on the back of your vehicle is not your kill count?
*slowly scrapes mine off*
Whomever came up with the saying “Make love not war” was obviously not married.
Pro Tip:
If you leave an assortment of tissues, cold medicine, and a big bag of cough drops visible on your desk, coworkers will avoid you!
The doctor wants me to start eating healthier to add years to my life. It’s like he doesn’t realize I’m married.
My superpower is finding the one bathroom stall with no toilet paper.
I’ve seen:
•UFOs
•Ghosts
•A Two Headed Turtle
•Kimodo DragonsBut nothing is as unbelievable to me as seeing Trump run for president.
I recently bought a corset to spice up my sex life. Once I’ve learned how to breathe in the damn thing I’ll tell you how it worked out.