@sharpular

You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.

@sharpular

I’m outside Costco and only need a few things.
*one hour later*
I wonder if this piano will fit in my new helicopter.

@sharpular

Nephew: omg look at how thick your ipad is.
Me: That’s a book.

@sharpular

Yes judgmental liquor store cashier, I must be having another big party.

@sharpular

I’ll call bowling a sport when there’s a goalie.

@sharpular

I’m wearing a tuxedo to work today in protest of casual Friday.