@shashaintl: Handsome Stranger: Excuse me, but you're..
Me: Gorgeous & you've been mustering up the courage to speak to me?
HS: ..blocking the pickles.
@shashaintl: I just owned you for three seconds. Possibly five if you're a slow reader. Up to ten if you read this again.
@shashaintl: What if I never *dramatic pause* sleep *dramatic pause* a- *falls asleep during third dramatic pause*
@shashaintl: Me: We need to go.
11: Go without me.
7: Sometimes when parents go without their kids, they get arrested, and I can't let that happen.
@shashaintl: A strong person stands up for himself. A stronger person stands up for himself while bench pressing another person standing up for himself.
@shashaintl: 10 year old: What was it like?
Me: What was what like?
10: Being alive in the 1900's?
Me: Go to your room.
@shashaintl: 10's homework question: "Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?"
His answer: "My mom."