Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of shashaintl's best tweets

@shashaintl : Him: Are you gonna kill me?

Me: WHAT?

Him: Your mood swings. I figured today's the day I die.

Me:

Him: *whispers* Please don't hurt me.

@shashaintl: Handsome Stranger: Excuse me, but you're..

Me: Gorgeous & you've been mustering up the courage to speak to me?

HS: ..blocking the pickles.

@shashaintl: I just owned you for three seconds. Possibly five if you're a slow reader. Up to ten if you read this again.

@shashaintl: 11: He shoots for her coffee. He SCORES! HE'S...

Me: Grounded.

@shashaintl: What if I never *dramatic pause* sleep *dramatic pause* a- *falls asleep during third dramatic pause*

@shashaintl: Me: We need to go.

11: Go without me.

7: Sometimes when parents go without their kids, they get arrested, and I can't let that happen.

@shashaintl: A strong person stands up for himself. A stronger person stands up for himself while bench pressing another person standing up for himself.

@shashaintl: 10 year old: What was it like?

Me: What was what like?

10: Being alive in the 1900's?

Me: Go to your room.

@shashaintl: 10's homework question: "Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?"

His answer: "My mom."