my friends when i can’t do basic math
when your friend and their shitty ex get back together and you’re just waiting for things to go bad…
“the rat is not ratatouille, the rat’s name is remy” is the 2000s version of “his name is not frankenstein, he’s frankenstein’s monster”
trust me bro, no woman has ever looked at your tinder profile and gone “i wish he was holding me like he’s holding that fish”