I don’t like towels so after a shower I just sit in a tub of rice
Just saw a sign that said free hugs. I didn’t even know Hugs was arrested
Which essential oil is best for getting people to stop talking to you
Being an adult
Pros)You can eat anything you want
Cons)You can’t eat anything you want
I’m 50. If you say you want to be friends with benefits, you better damn well mean full medical and dental with a low deductible
Hurricane Diary
Day 1)I have stocked enough snacks for at least two weeks of an extended hurricane disaster
Day 2)I am out of snacks
*At the bar
Me)May I sit here?
Her)I have a boyfriend
Me)That’s ok, I’m 50. I just want to sit down
20 year old me)I’m going to be rich
30 year old me)I’m going to travel
40 year old me)I’m going to be a better person
50 year old me)I’m going to bed
You guys, I checked. Wolves can’t blow houses down, even if they are just made of straw and sticks. It’s all anti-wolf propaganda started by Big Pork
When you say “You’re gonna hate me for this” you’re making an awfully large assumption that I don’t hate you already
Thanks for yelling at me and calling me names on the internet. I have the same opinion as you do now
I never make New Year’s resolutions. I just carry the ones over from the previous year and add “This time I’m serious”
Do you wish you were always broke?
Are you tired of having a thriving social life?
Is too much sleep boring you?Parenthood. It’s for you
I was told you have to wait an hour after you finish eating to swim. I didn’t know there was such a thing as an hour after you finish eating
Always take one positive friend & one negative friend on road trips. Then if your battery dies, you can hook cables to them & start your car