[guy glaring at me because he wants my parking spot]
*adds 72,000 hours to the meter*
“I want you inside me,” I say to my husband while staring at the chocolate cake behind him on the counter.
I think I just went to third base with a jelly doughnut.
It’s terrible when my husband “misplaces” his phone after forgetting to do the chores he promised to do. *giggle*
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: *stops sculpting a Lionel Richie head* Nope. What’s up?
My husband has been hiccuping for almost an hour now. I’d scare him, but we ate chili earlier.
I just walked into my bedroom and said to my husband, “I can’t believe you forgot what day today is,” then walked out and slammed the door.
Husband: Where is the candy?
Me: What candy?
Husband: The Easter candy.
Me: *stuffing Peeps in my ears as earplugs* I’m going to bed- you need to figure this out.
Husband: You want to have sex?
Me: We probably shouldn’t because I’m coughing.
Husband: Ewww. I didn’t say I wanted to kiss.
Husband: I can’t find the remote. Are you sitting on it again?
Husband: Stand up.
Me: I don’t want to.
Me: Because I’m probably sitting on the remote.