@sixfootcandy

It’s terrible when my husband “misplaces” his phone after forgetting to do the chores he promised to do. *giggle*

@sixfootcandy

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: *stops sculpting a Lionel Richie head* Nope. What’s up?

@sixfootcandy

My husband has been hiccuping for almost an hour now. I’d scare him, but we ate chili earlier.

@sixfootcandy

I just walked into my bedroom and said to my husband, “I can’t believe you forgot what day today is,” then walked out and slammed the door.

@sixfootcandy

Husband: Where is the candy?

Me: What candy?

Husband: The Easter candy.

Me: *stuffing Peeps in my ears as earplugs* I’m going to bed- you need to figure this out.

@sixfootcandy

Husband: You want to have sex?

Me: We probably shouldn’t because I’m coughing.

Husband: Ewww. I didn’t say I wanted to kiss.

Me:

@sixfootcandy

Husband: I can’t find the remote. Are you sitting on it again?
Me: No.
Husband: Stand up.
Me: I don’t want to.
Husband: Why?
Me: Because I’m probably sitting on the remote.

@sixfootcandy

Me: *eating chips in bed*
Husband: I thought you said no eating in the bed.
Me: We live in a different world now.
Husband: So, I can-
Me: *interrupts* No.

@sixfootcandy

I have no problem sticking to a diet if I go to sleep right after breakfast.

@sixfootcandy

Sometimes, when I need a snack, I like to eat a gummy vitamin or 100.