(kids playing upstairs)
*loud crash*
Me: *slowly gets off the couch to take a look at everything we own*
This morning my therapist said more people need to do things without expecting anything in return, so I left without paying her.
I love traveling with my husband because it gives us an opportunity to bicker in new and exotic locations.
Please enter new password
Me: Candy123
Password shouldn’t be similar to previous password
We recommend this password
J:$aBhh?/@‘c,2.”1f3&,0LP?!477F.91$uMe: Candy123!
Sometimes I like to mess with my husband and say things like “Honey, please hand me a waffle knife” and watch him panic.
Establish dominance by immediately asking your therapist how they feel about what you just said.
Me: No work tomorrow so I’m sleeping in.
Kids: LOL
Dog: LOL
Brain: LOL
Bladder: LOL
My kid wanted to watch something scary, so I had her watch the cashier ring up our groceries.
Sometimes I think my dog wishes he had a middle finger.
It’s amusing when people wave back at me on hiking trails when all I’m really doing is swatting away flies.
Me, waiting for my husband to realize that I was right.
Husband: Why are you so grumpy?
Me: I’m not grumpy.
My face:
Husband: Are we going to start eating healthier?
Me: Absolutely!
Husband: So burgers and fries for dinner tonight?
Me: Absolutely!
When you’re feeling frisky and shaved up to your knee.
Husband: I emptied the dishwasher.
Me: Great work, honey! Maybe you could try it again when it’s clean.