@sixthformpoet

I’m paranoid AND needy: I think people are talking about me, but not as much as I’d like.

@sixthformpoet

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

@sixthformpoet

1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait

@sixthformpoet

It’s so awkward when a bird arrives back at its nest and the worms in its mouth realise that wasn’t just a free aerial tour of the city.

@sixthformpoet

An e-mail confirming you’ve unsubscribed from a mailing list is a fun way of saying you’re not having the last word in THIS argument, pal.

@sixthformpoet

“Ice, Ice, Baby, Vanilla, Ice, Ice, Baby.” – Worst cocktail recipe ever

@sixthformpoet

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. There’s nothing more endearing than happy people applauding themselves.

@sixthformpoet

Is LSD illegal or just frowned upon? Asking for a giant purple rabbit.

@sixthformpoet

A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.

@sixthformpoet

If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day.