Note to self:
1) Your memory sucks.
2) Write note to self.
Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.
I can accomplish this if I avoid my mother.
A smile every mile will get you further faster but if that doesn’t work, carjacking does.
If you’re starved for time, eat a watch.
Good news: He told me I was his penguin.
Bad news: Penguins only have sex once a year.
You’re suppose to wear clean underwear in case you’re ever in an accident.
I wear a new pair of shoes every day in case a house lands on me.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky women that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped him.
One of the advantages of being a man is that chocolate doesn’t control you.
Disadvantage: Sex does.
Relevant: Chocolate is easier to get.
Irritating friend: I passed your house yesterday.
Me: Thanks. I really appreciate that.
Types of shit:
1) Awe
2) Jack
3) Knee deep in
5) Holy
6) Dip
7) Full of
8) Bull
9) Piece of
10) Happens
11) I don’t give a
Have you ever noticed that Santa brings better gifts to the kids that have rich parents?
Been hearing a lot lately about bleaching your asshole. Do you just dump bleach over his head & keep out of his eyes or make him consume it?
To air is humane, to forgave, divide.
Typo quota for the day.
To air is humane, to forgave, divide.
Typo quota for the day.