I painted today
Everyone complimented me on my turtle
It was a bird, I painted a bird
And then grandma said “my, what big hands you have”
Can’t. About to go please some beans
Ok team, today we’re …..oh
Brains are sexy
Wish everyone had one
Danger is very dangerous
I’m not saying I’m drunk but I’m having trouble working out if you’re quoting Sylvia Plath or the Cookie Monster right now
Pretty certain I can more drunk
Boss: you look a bit lost
Me: Yeah, sometimes I really wish I’d listened to you
Boss: About what
Me: Dunno. I wasn’t listening
HR: Well?
Me: it was a surprisingly good slingshot
HR:
Me: I didn’t know the eraser would hit him in the eye
HR:
Me: can I have my bra back?
Finally, a door that understands me
HR: for the last time, stop using air quotes when referring to your boss
Me: “ok”
Usually I have to go faster than 30 for that to happen
Ooh I do like a good funnel
Marriage is basically a never ending competition to prove who is the most tired