Funny Tweeter

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Page of sofarrsogud's best tweets

@sofarrsogud : I’ve banned my kid from his X Box today so he’s gone to a barn on the outskirts of town to dance out his frustrations.

@sofarrsogud: [God creating the squirrel] Shrink a red panda and give it cocaine.

@sofarrsogud: BREAKING: Scarlet Johansson to play Idris Elba as James Bond

@sofarrsogud: What genius called it a ‘bar’ and not an ‘alcohall’?

@sofarrsogud: Got attacked by a pigeon this morning and accidentally won a 5k road race.

@sofarrsogud: [Before people were invented]

THE EARTH: This is nice

@sofarrsogud: ME: [Consoling my friend, whose dog has been missing for 3 weeks] It’s ok, I’m taking good care of her.

HIM: What?

ME: What?

@sofarrsogud: ‘Why do people even talk to babies? It’s not like they can understand anything’ I ask my dog.

@sofarrsogud: WIFE: You’re embarrassing, ridiculous and an ill informed pseudo intellectual.

ME: “Your”

@sofarrsogud: 'Sir, what causes a tsunami?'
- Godzilla
'What about earthquakes?'
- Godzilla
'And hurric..'
- Godzilla

-Me as a teacher