[makes eye contact with someone through crack in bathroom stall] hey
Ever find a mirror that makes you look really good and you’re like oh OK this is where I live now I live in this airport restroom now
I’m a businessman so I tuck my shirt in. There’s a lot of money on the line so I need you to know that this is roughly where my legs start.
[think of idiom]
firing on all cylinders
[post tweet w/ idiom + literal interpretation]
mr. on all cylinders, ur fired
[wait for 100+ faves]
[Rips bong] Each Disney Princess represents a deadly sin! Jasmine, Greed. Mulan, Pride. Ariel, Envy.
Um. [Rips bong] Vegan.
DUDE: first of all
ME: oh shit this dude’s about to make more than one point