“So it’s sausages in a kind of fat pancake?”
“It’s called a Yorkshire Pudding”
“Ah, ok, so we’ll call it sausages in Yorkshire Pudding?”
“No, we’ll call it Toad in the Hole”
”Sorry what?”
“And we’ll call the dessert…”
“How about just steamed pudding?”
”…Spotted Dick”
“I see…”
The horror of touching the spoon on the bin when disposing of a tea bag.
Another spoon will now be on stirring duty. A pure spoon.
I love reading newspaper websites. The screen refreshing on its own 3 times in quick succession, the text disappearing halfway down the article, a random video advert suddenly filling the screen, the whole page unexpectedly closing for no reason. Great experience.
If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.
I said “temperature’s dropped!” to someone I always pass on my walks and he replied, “I actually thought it was quite warm today”
That is NOT in the script. You’re meant to say “winter’s on the way” or “soon be Christmas” or “nights are drawing in”… something that roughly…
“Ooh go on then, I’ll just have one!”
*eats many, many, many, many biscuits*
Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the Post Office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.
“Seize the day!”
No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.
Me, abandoning the call I’m making after two unanswered rings: “well, I tried my absolute best to reach them, not sure what more I could’ve done”
New word: Biscgret.
Meaning: The feeling when someone offers you a biscuit and you refuse, and you spend the rest of your time with them secretly wishing you’d accepted the biscuit.
“Can you put it all in an email?”
Translations:
1. I haven’t been listening
2. I have been listening and what you’re saying is important, but I simply won’t remember it all
3. I have been listening but you’re going on a bit and I’d like you to go away now
4. I want a…
The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”
Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realising a lot more was expected from you.
How are you?
“Yeah, not bad” <– normal person
“Yeah, pretty good actually” <– show off
