If you get on the train while people are still getting off, may your tea be forever cold
“Sorry, are you…?”
“Oh… no! No, I’m not, sorry…”
“Ah! That’s ok, haha, thanks, sorry”
“Sorry”Transcript of a Brit asking another Brit if they’re in the queue
“Let’s go round and introduce ourselves”
#SixWordHorror
A British person, unable to stand upright due to the gust, leaves and twigs smashing into their head, with eyebrows blown clean from their face and sore eyes watering with tears quickly whipped away by the gale, is unable to resist uttering:
“Bit windy”
Ways to look busy:
1. Turn up later than everyone else but rush into the office looking annoyed
2. Act like spending half an hour in the toilet has annoyed you
3. Rush around with an open laptop looking annoyed
4. Get annoyed at a printer
5. Just generally look annoyed
“I’m not going to eat anything today”
“Pie?”
“Please”
“Sorry, could I just squeeze by?”
<person doesn’t move an inch>
“Thanks”
“I wouldn’t worry if I were you” – Translation: I’m not worried because I’m not you
How to answer the door:
1. See person has arrived
2. Wait for doorbell
3. Count to five
4. Open and act surprised
Leaving restaurant: “That was lovely”
Outside: “Well, it was okay”
In car: “I mean, it wasn’t great”
Back home: “We won’t go there again”
Feeling extremely smug after being the best at pulling over to let an ambulance pass
“Yes, I remember you saying” – Translation: Please stop saying that
Still suddenly panicking that you haven’t done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties
How to fix something:
-Say “let’s have a look”
-Describe the brokenness
-Break it a bit more
-Say “nah it’s broken”
-Place hands on hips
“Anyway it was lovely to meet you!” – Translation: Off you go!